[Published in the Windham County Commons February 1, 2008] Once upon a time, in 1830, after the second great awakening, 80 percent of Vermonters were regular churchgoers. “The most churchgoing people in the protestant world,” according to a state historical society paper written by Randolph Roth. And those who weren’t worshippers found themselves on the outside of society and many joined the westward migration.

Vermont’s beautiful emblematic community churches are a product of this age, before the automobile, before the rise of dairy farming, even before the railroad.

Now, according to the American Religious Survey, just 24 percent of Vermonters are church regulars — the lowest in the nation. Nationally, the rate is 42 percent. But the state's many churches have endured, marking human communities which also endure, despite the challenge of shifting demographic trends.

I was the pastor of one of these churches.

When I arrived at Vernon Union Church in 2001, I found a lovely classic white church, well kept, but quite empty. Only 15 to 25 regulars graced the sanctuary, built for 100. Some expressed concern that they were a dying church. Could I help?

It’s unexpected, being a Quaker and a pastor. But I’d been to seminary and when Sept. 11 happened, I decided to stop wondering what I was supposed to do and get up and contribute. Those were my skills and I could see that we needed community and healing and the institution ordained for that purpose is the church.

So I called Pam Lucas, the associate minister of the United Church of Christ, and asked how I could be useful. I’d discovered I liked the UCC — liberal, Christian, welcoming, and often at the center of small town Vermont. I liked that, unlike Quakers who have always held themselves a bit apart, the UCC is a mainstream church.

It turned out that days before, the Vernon church had called her in a panic, seeking a pastor. She figured this timing wasn’t a coincidence and suggested I call them. “Well,” said Steve Moore after my first sermon, “you didn’t embarrass yourself — do you want to come back?”

And so I began my sojourn.   more »

Acceptance is what Eastern spiritual traditions suggest to alleviate suffering. This directly contradicts the world I grew up in, which was based on expectations.

As a teacher and leader, I know that expectations have their place – they spur us on towards something better. At the same time, I know I suffered from expectations that were other people’s notions of “normal” or some other box they wanted to keep me from expanding out of. And now, in my thirties, I find myself disillusioned because I had unrealistic expectations of human community. So I’m sorting this out for myself.

I’m grateful for the lesson of acceptance. I’ve become calmer and more accepting of how other people present themselves.

And yet . . .

I realize that I’m really unhappy because my expectations are not met. In fact, I’m really angry. I feel like somehow I was promised a better world than I find myself in.

So this is my spiritual crisis of the moment.   more »

The inner drama was like a switch changing from 'content' to 'I want' and quickly, 'I lack'. Not even that I did want very much, but once the switch was thrown all the repressed wanting was activated for every thing I've ever been denied. And that force seems stronger than my will. I can't choose 'abundance' then, no matter how many self-help books I've read in my life. So I was watching that inner drama with more awareness than before. And I didn't feel very good about it, or myself.

So I've been thinking about how I relate to people. I want to relate to everyone with love, but SO OFTEN there is some situation of wanting. Basically wanting love in some form. Wanting to fit in, wanting to be liked, wanting to be approved of, successful. I shoot myself in the foot that way, because then I get in my own way and am no service to others. I'm really grieving this. I want to find my power - in situations where it matters. I like being in situations where I am the leader or the teacher or the hero somehow - then people give me power and I feel approved of and it's all good. But I want to be able to feel my power in confrontive situations, when people don't like me. That is when things can be transformed (and also when you can go acting like a fool and hurt others). I want that for myself and instead I run up against my limits.

And so I've been living out the same drama that drives people to their God. 'I want' equals materialism, but it also equals thirst for God. 'I lack' calls for God to fill the space. But not even God can fill 'I lack.' Instead, we have to throw that switch back over to 'abundance.'

I have some power over that switch with myself. If I remain conscious, I can remember the that I can indeed always choose how I respond to situations, which keeps me away from the 'I lack' setting. But I have even more power with other people. So long as my own tangles don't wrap me up, I can set up an emotional climate with the people around me that help them remember they are secure. So I pray for help to do that as a leader.   more »

I decide to find the downtown Quaker Meeting in London at Friends House:

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Jim brought up on the Pioneer Valley Contra Dance List the perennial issue of the middle line at contra dances, and I thought I'd respond with some observations . . .
I'm not sure it's all snobbism. The experienced dancers, who know many people, often either book ahead or practice a kind of quick short-hand communication of looks and nods to arrange dances with our friends. The result is we often have partners much more quickly than the dance as a whole. I think many people end up in the middle line because it's the first line forming and they follow the flow. It's as exclusive to be unavailable without booking ahead as it is by booking ahead.
Perhaps we need not only courtesy lessons, but lessons in grace and a measured pace?   more »

A freinds asks what I've found helpful and offputting in communities.

I can respond in two ways - by citing ...   more »

I'm really happy at what I've found at Kripalu - particularly how the volunteer programs are right now, and I wanted to share that.

Well, it turns out that the stripped down SLP replacement volunteer experience didn't last long. The longer volunteer program (which is now called PATH) now has it's own yoga classes again (good ones, they said) and workshops (good ones, apparently, with more involvement from the "weighty" presenters and presenters coming through). But not shares. I got a really good feeling hanging out at the volunteer table. There was love there at that table. Easy caring and dedicated working through the process.   more »

Sarah Pullman has been reading the Canadian Globe and Mail about "egocasting", where one selects one's news and friends to agree with oneself, sacrificing diversity of views and a common culture. I've been thinking about this for some years. This is a trend that isn't only happening on the internet. We are filtering our social networks, our activities, hobbies, schools, where we live.   more »

Like many visitors who have found their way to the Weston Priory, Carl Puleo was drawn at first by the music. “One Sunday morning, very early, I headed out on my own to try to find the priory in Weston and I had no idea where it was,” recalls Puleo, who made his first trip from Madison, CT, more than a decade ago.

“The morning vigil was already in process, but I snuck in. It was an immediate connection, very deep.   more »

I've made a list of spiritual centers and programs that offer volunteer service. This list is pretty basic right now - although complete, but I'll be improving the formatting and adding reviews and more information. Your comments are welcome.   more »

Every community I've known has broken my heart. The one I trusted and depended on most deeply is the one the broke it hardest   more »